Nationalism and the Socialist Party
by George Walford

An old joke is usually a good one, and there is a Scottish joke we have long relished: A traveller asks directions to Auchterlochty and is told he has passed it. "Passed it? But I didn't see anything - no houses, no shops, no pub, no church, no people." "Aye, mon, yon's the place."

The Socialist Party claims to have a clear, simple, irrefutable Case. We ask to hear it, and what we get is a mixture of platform jokes, facts applied by the capitalist press, attacks on the Labour Party, tear-jerking accounts of the Third World, simplistic accounts of some theories of Karl Marx, a mass of truisms and self-contradictions, and fervent declarations of unshakable - and irrational - faith in socialism.

After listening to this for some time we say: "Well, yes, that's all very interesting, but what about your clear, simple, irrefutable Case?" And they reply: "But that's it, you've heard it." "Aye, mon, yon's the Case."

PRIVATE JOKE (for those familiar with the Socialist Party)

Last time the Martians invaded Earth two of the little green people landed in Clapham High Street. They went into No. 52 and said: "Take us to your leader."